From Caroline Dixon
I will sing of the steadfast love of the Lord, forever
Blessed are the people who know the festal shout,
who walk, O Lord, in the light of your face,
who exult in your name all the day
and in your righteousness are exalted.
I want to offer some personal testimony, as a way of talking about this idea of walking all day in God’s light, in love, in praise, and in festal celebration. God offers us this constant gift: that our spirit would be joyfully praising him and loving him and loving others and celebrating life.
Last week, God gave me an image to understand what his love can do to my heart. I had a picture of my little heart, covered in an icy shell of protection. The icy shell was made by me – my own meager attempt at a protective shield. Sometimes a little bit of the ice is melted away, and I’m softer and open to love and kindness and friendliness and vulnerability; but as soon as I’m hurt, I made the ice grow right back. (That reminds me, speaking of ice queens – if any of you see The Huntsman: Winter’s War next weekend, will you let me know if it’s good? The preview is great, but the reviews are bad. What’s a girl to do!) Anyway, the ice around my heart.
So, then God showed me an image of a red “lazer” light beam of his love coming from above, through the top of my head, penetrating my heart. It was God’s love, of course, and it melted my icy heart, of course. Duh. This is what we’re told. During this image, I was like, “Yeah, God I know… your love can melt my heart… yeah yeah…” But, I stuck with the image and lingered in imagining it.
And I was shocked by what happened next; I said, “But wait! Now my heart is UNPROTECTED!” I didn’t realize how much I had been relying on my ice as a shield, and how absolutely vulnerable I imagined a God-melted loving heart to be. So, what happened next in this image was truly amazing.
God answered my worry about a vulnerable, blood-filled, pulsing heart with this: The lazer-beam love of God then caused my heart to radiate out in explosive waves (Death-Star-style) a huge cloud of red LoveOfGod into the world. It surrounded me. It was, God showed me, almost an offensive weapon against my vulnerability. But (!) it didn’t prevent the arrows and injuries from coming at me; they still came and struck me, and maybe did some minor damage. BUT, I DIDN’T CARE! Because I was surrounded by this amazing, pulsing, radiating cloud of active, powerful, LOVE! Wow!
That was his protection. His love moving through me and out of me into the world… what a better solution to my sensitive heart than my own “human solution” of icing up. How small my “solution” seemed to me, then.
So… All this happened when I was driving back to work after a lunch break. And I thought about how that morning at work, God had allowed me to be EXTRA Holy-Spirit-filled and Holy-Spirit-loving to a couple of my co-workers, and how good that felt. “Could that be how I live all the time? Could I be loving without being drained? I think so!” So, I tried that for a few days, and I’m still trying to allow God to be in me/ through me like that, but obviously it’s just 1 day at a time, and some days are :-) and some are :-/.
I know how to write and speak professionally, but I think that this casual style best mimics my speaking style and best communicates my true heart. Which is sometimes icy (I'm the eldest daughter from a buttoned-up preppy New England family), but maybe increasingly warm. I love that God called me to come to CotC and stay at CotC all these years. I co-lead the North Shore Neighborhood Group and my favorite thing is reading scripture out loud in church. I work with international students at Gordon College. Thanks for reading!